|Mr. Heckles - Friends|
1. If I set my coffee mug above the passenger side right door, assume that is where I plan to rest my tuckus. I am NOT being a kind person and saving you a seat there. So when I stand in front of the door to open it, walk away. Go to the other side of the car. Sit on your own side.
2. Showers are a necessity. I suggest you take one and invest in deodorant. And maybe drop that disgusting habit of smoking, because it really isn't adding to your personal aroma. . .
3. Perfume is supposed to be subtle. I shouldn't be able to smell you 2304983490 hours after you leave the elevator. Thank you for successfully raping my nose at 6:45 a.m. I hate you.
4. Thank you for honking while sitting still in traffic. It makes me feel better, too.
5. I really enjoy being asked the same questions over and over, every day. Please continue to do so.
6. Libraries are a quiet place. So shush. Stop running. Stop bombing the shelves. I made shelf markers for a reason. Use. Them.
7. Unless it is Christmas Eve morning or Christmas morning, there is not enough coffee in the world for me to WANT to have a conversation with you that early in my day. Therefore, shush.