Oy vey!

Our lives have been a ridiculous roller coaster of stress the last six months. Working on getting the house sold, finding an apartment, finding Ben a job, and financial planning is enough to drive a person mad. I think that the month between the end of work and beginning of law school will be a much needed break to relax and rein in my anxiety. 

Throughout this process we have hit bump after bump. The theme to the past 6 months has been "whatever can go wrong, will." Everyone keeps telling me that it will all work out in the end. Well, yeah, but they aren't the ones who have to sacrifice their bank accounts in the meantime. Oy vey.

Despite how it may sound, Ben and I have both remained positive and are taking everything in stride. There have been a couple glimmers of relief in the past week or so, and if those would just pan out we would be able to breathe easy for a while. Fingers crossed!

As I reflect on the past few months and what is in the very near future, I am reminded how blessed I am to be married to a man as wonderful as Ben. He has been nothing but supportive of my decision to go to law school. He has agreed to quit his job, move to another state, and support us financially as I pursue my degree. He does not do this begrudgingly or expect "repayment". His love and support still amazes me. 

Of course, I have offered a form of "repayment". If/when Ben decides to pursue his Ph.D., I will offer him the same deal he is offering me. He just has to wait a few years. In anticipation of his future endeavors, he is using this time to discover ways in which he can gain experience a knowledge that will benefit him in the long run. 

We have less than a month until we can move into our apartment in St. Paul. We have a lot to do between now and then. We are looking forward to this next chapter!

Mitchell Hamline School of Law - Graduating Class of 2020! (Inshallah. . . )

The decision has been officially made! Ben and I will be moving to the Twin Cities next year so that I can attend Mitchell Hamline School of Law!

Initially, I planned to retake the LSAT and apply to the University of Iowa. If I were accepted there, we wouldn't have to move and Ben would already have a job. Plus, we would remain close to family and friends. After much thought and discussion with Ben, I decided that is not the road I would like to take. Moving away from Iowa will force me to go outside of my comfort zone and explore new options. There are so many facets of the law that I haven't had a chance to experience and I think going to a larger city would allow more opportunities for growth. 

When making the decision of where to attend law school, I also took into consideration what doctoral programs would be available to Ben in the area. I researched what programs were offered and came to the conclusion that the Twin Cities would possibly be a good fit for him as well. He already has plans to do some certificate program through University of St. Thomas over the next few summers. Obviously, when it comes time for him to start looking into doctoral programs I will support his decision to go wherever. While it would be nice to not have to move, a new adventure is always exciting. Our initial thought, though, is that we will be in the Twin Cities for approximately five years. Maybe more. Maybe less. Meh.

Anyway. . . It feels wonderful to have a plan. 

Clarity

I have been asked on multiple occasions why I decided to take a year in between getting my bachelor's and starting law school. One part of the answer has to do with financial security. I want to take extra time to build our savings so that we don't have to go as far in debt, because trust me - we will have plenty of it after law school! Another part has to do with my marriage and time spent with family/friends. The past two years I have been absent quite a bit. I said no to many things and feel as though I've neglected my relationships. I want to take a year to nurture those relationships. The biggest part of my decision has to do with my overwhelming anxiety.

I have struggled with depression and anxiety since high school. When I start to feel overwhelmed, I shut down. I have struggled with this the last two years and I am so proud of myself for not crumbling completely! Working full-time, going to school nearly full-time, and trying to manage my relationships was hard.  Really hard. Because I took classes during spring, summer and fall, I never got a break from the constant feeling of being on the verge of failure. That's how I feel when I'm at my max - close to failure in some aspect of my life. I start thinking I can't do it. I get anxiety about my anxiety and worry that I'm not good enough, not smart enough, and that I'm going to fail. That is crippling. SO - a year of returning to a normal playing field is much needed before embarking on my law school adventure. I am optimistic that while law school will be difficult, I will feel less overwhelmed because I will not be working and can focus solely on my education.

Mental health is such a taboo topic, even still as many celebrities and other well known individuals have begun to reveal their personal struggles. I am a deeply private person and it is hard for me to be open about this topic, especially since I do feel shame surrounding my issues. Why do I write this post then, you ask? Because at least here you can read it, know my reason, and I won't have to feel uncomfortable trying to explain and justify my decision.

Graduation!

May favorite! Maple bacon cake!!!!

Ten years after graduating high school, I finally graduated from college! Graduation was held at Carver Hawkeye Arena on May 14, 2016 at 9:00 a.m. While I am not thankful for the piles of student loans that I am facing come November, I am thankful for the winding road I took to achieve this degree. My college journey was punctuated with life experiences, both negative and positive, and they have all played a part in getting me to where I am today. I am blessed with amazing family, friends all over the U.S. and world, a job I love, a home of my own, and two sweet babies (my dogs).

Ben snapped this photo while waiting for the graduation ceremony to begin. I was tired and lacking coffee. And obviously lacking excitement. 

This wonderful man has had to put up with my antisocial behaviors for the last 2 years. I feel he deserves quite a bit of recognition for this graduation as well. He helped to keep me sane when the stress of trying to do everything (work, school, family, social life, marriage, etc.) perfectly made me feel overwhelmed. 

I always love my time with my mummy. Our quality time the past two years has taken a hit due to school (for both of us) and work. She, too, helped to keep me sane throughout this process from beginning to end. At the end of the graduation ceremony, the graduates were asked to look at their family as the speaker discussed how they helped get us all there (or something like that. . . I was not being a very good listener!). I waved up at my mummy and she later told me, with tears in her eyes, that I wave the same as I did when I was a little girl. I make note of it because it is a memory I want to keep. :)  I will always be her little Lyndsey! 

What happens next is fairly unknown. I have applied to law schools and secured a seat for the class of 2020 at Mitchell Hamline School of Law. I have a year to make decisions and figure out what I want. I will use my year wisely to refresh and reconnect with my neglected family and friends. Currently, I am looking forward to a summer of kayaking, camping, all things outdoorsy! 

GO HAWKS!

[P.S. I am an official HAWKEYE ALUMNI!]

Anxiety Revelation

Since submitting my law school apps, I have felt nothing but anxiety. As mentioned in my previous post, it's been a bit of an emotional roller coaster!  

A couple nights ago while reading before bed, it occurred to me why I am having soooo much anxiety regarding law school. There is of course the normal stress that change can bring, but I also will be leaving a job that I love, with people that I love working with. By leaving the job, I am removing my ability to successfully support myself. BOOM! There it is. The thought of not being able to support myself is terrifying. I am absolutely blessed with a loving, hardworking, husband who is more than willing to work to support both of us for the next few years. That isn't the issue - that is wonderful. I think I have some deep-rooted need to know that no matter what happens, I can take care of myself without needing anyone's help. If I'm being honest, without needing a man's help. I have trust issues when it comes to males. I'm sure anyone with a psychology background can psychoanalyze the crap out of that paragraph. 

It helps me to know that after law school, Ben and I will reverse roles. He will dive full-time into a Ph.D. program of his choosing and I will bring home the bacon. It is also incredibly helpful that I feel solid in our marriage and that we are both on the same page in terms of our commitment to one another and our wanting the other to succeed. I basically need to enlist the help of a therapist to straighten out the crazy that goes on in my head. Understanding that this is what is causing me significant amounts of stress and anxiety actually helps to relieve it a bit. Thank goodness.

Of note: I have been accepted to a law school!! I have only heard from one of 8 that I applied to. Hopefully I see some more admissions roll in!

Law School - Apply Today!

Some of the various law schools I am interested in applying to open their applications today!!!!

Errrrrrmahgerrrrd!

Who is ridiculously giddy and has butterflies in their tummy?! This girl.

Unfortunately, I won't take my LSAT until October 3rd, so official submissions cannot be made until then. BUT I am being proactive and collecting my letters of recommendation, drafting my personal statement and other various addenda I plan to file, and I will fill in what information I do have in the applications so they are ready for me to click SUBMIT once I receive that LSAT score! 

All that being what it is, Ben and I are mulling over the decision to wait one year before I start law school. We plan to have all debt (aside from student loans, car payment and mortgage) paid off by the end of January, so at that point we can begin saving more each month. If I waited a year to start law school, we would be in a better place financially once I did start.  This is just an idea flitting around. We will see what happens and what we decide together. 

Wish me luck!

My Sweet [Fur] Babies

Quite unfortunately, I have not had a ton a time to work with my new camera due to my overload of homework. Ben and I are signed up for a photography class on August 17th, which hopefully will mean I am bit less bombarded and can play! Here are just a few shots I took of the babes. I just want to smoosh my face with their faces!!!!!

He is like a perfect stuffed animal!

Look! I figured out manual focus!

My majestic prince. <3

Who needs human babies when you can have soft, fluffy, fur babies?! 

All Work and No Play

There are men and women out there who are parents (married or single), work full time, and go to school full time. How in the name of Sam Hill do they do they do that!? I work full time and have no other obligations besides my husband and dogs and struggle to fit everything in!

My life right now.

The past month has been an up hill race to get things done for my classes.  I procrastinated in my spring semester classes due to (1) laziness; and (2) a promotion at work that was a stressful process. Therefore, I spent two weeks doing everything in those classes to have them finished by July 15th. Now I am just working on my summer classes.  I signed up for 3 - two independent studies and one regular online course. With Hawaii and finishing up my spring classes, I have gotten essentially nothing done on my summer independent studies. Thankfully, you have two semesters to complete independent studies, but I have a minimum amount of work that has to be completed by August 1st. It ends up being about half of the coursework, and so it is yet another scramble to get everything completed. 

My new favorite response to being asked to do something fun is, "No, I have homework." I can tell that Ben has been disappointed by this response on more than one occasion when he has to go hang out with our friends solo. I look forward to when August 2nd arrives and I can be more social again. I tell him it is a good glimpse into what law school will be like. Although, with law school I will not be working full time and won't allow myself to fall behind in my coursework like this, so I hopefully will be able to say "yes" more often than never. 

Ben has been truly amazing the last month. I have neglected my normal duties in our joint partnership to keep our home livable and stocked with life's necessities and Ben has taken care of nearly everything! This has been such a blessing to me and has helped to alleviate some of my stress.

This stressful time has served as a chance to learn something about my husband. Ben encourages me to work on school work and there are times I refuse. It is frustrating for him because he feels that I am resisting his attempts to help me succeed. I was thinking about it last night and I have come to the conclusion that Ben and I do not learn in the same way. (Well, duh.). Ben is able to focus. Like intensely focus. On anything. It is really quite amazing to me that he is able to do that. I cannot do that. Unless I am reading Harry Potter. If it doesn't have to do with Harry Potter, I have the attention span of a gold fish. After a couple few hours of studying my brain is exhausted and needs a break. Once I take a break, I am ready to go again. SO - when I say, "No, Ben. I'm going to watch an episode of Justified and THEN study," it is really just allowing my brain time to refresh. 

One Step at a Time

It takes a lot for me at times to not allow my fear of failure to cripple me. The fact that I also struggle with feeling unintelligent and less than others is a struggle as well.

In spite of these fears, I want to go to law school. I have been blessed to have many wonderful people in my life who are incredibly supportive of this decision. They offer encouragement and support on a regular basis and listen to me rant and rave about how I'm going to apply to University of Hawaii. :) (as unrealistic a dream as it may be. . . )

Then there are the people who are not encouraging, but are destructive. I think that some people underestimate me and put me into a box and expect me to stay there.  I'm fairly girly - not stupid. It does not make me an idiot or less capable than anyone else.

Unfortunately, it is the haters whose opinions stick the most. My goal: to prove them wrong.

2 weeks - 1 post

It has been a couple weeks since my last post.  Since the 28th, we have had many things happen.  Some happy, like Ben completing his master's program, and some not so happy, like our transmission going out of our car. (Is that proper use of punctuation and sentence structure?  I don't care.  I'm too tired.)

As I mentioned, Ben has successfully completed his masters program and received an A on his final project or paper or presentation or whatever.  SO proud of him!!  To celebrate, we went for supper at R.G. Books in Cedar Rapids.  Ben ordered a 12 oz. steak and it was huge.  He was very excited.  He grudgingly allowed me a bite and it was delicious.  Otherwise, he ate the entire thing.  I was impressed. . . 

Continuing with education, my wonderful mother has completed her first year of college!! It is amazing to see how much she has grown and the confidence she has gained from this experience.  It is also amazing how quickly that year went by!  I always tells her to enjoy her time as a college student, because as soon as you are at a job 40 hours a week you really envy the freedom of the student life.  I would LOVE to go to the gym in the middle of the day for a couple hours, or sleep in until 8 a.m. and study with a cup of coffee.  Ben agrees, so I know I'm not alone in that thought.

And again with education: I am officially signed up for summer and fall classes at the University of Iowa!!!!  I have wanted to be able to say I have a bachelor's in something (anything!) as well as to be able to say that I'm a true Hawkeye and Iowa Alumni.  Insha'Allah, that will be a reality in the spring of 2016.  I'm excited and nervous for classes to start.  I keep having these dreams that I have skipped class the entire semester and am down to finals week and if I don't pass the class then I don't graduate.  I'm nervous to fail. 

Even when we have crazy schedules, we always try and fit in a "family dinner" at least one night a week.  Since it is finally warming up, we are breaking in the grill!  We had everyone over this week to make kabobs and socialize.  I also like to use the time for some baby lovins from my sweet Goddaughter:

Sweet nugget! :)

Aren't they precious?!

 Switching gears to Mother's Day, I was able to celebrate with my mother in Cedar Rapids.  She came up on Saturday and stayed through mid-day on Sunday.  We did a bit of light shopping and then went for a 5 mile ish bike ride.  Ben and I then took mom out to the Lincoln Wine Bar which is my absolute favorite place.  Ma has been wanting to try it and they had a cellist playing so we decided to go.  It was crowded, but comfortable and we enjoyed delicious food and quality music.  After supper, we went to a local ice cream place for some soft-serve and ended the night with a movie. 

On Sunday, we had a leisurely morning and ma went with me to grab some groceries. She had marinated salmon and brought it up, so we fixed that, asparagus and rice for lunch.  Absolutely amazing! Ben and I will be making that same dish in the near future.

I am so blessed to have such a truly wonderful mother.  I love her so much and always get a little down whenever she leaves or we have to leave her.  There really is never enough time.  

On a final note, I leave you with this picture of Ben.  We took a car full of large objects to the dump during city dump day and Ben had to practically sit on the steering wheel.  Not safe, really, but makes for a funny picture. :)

Smarts 2.0

You know what is completely refreshing and thrilling?  KNOWING WHAT YOU WANT TO DO WHEN YOU GROW UP!  It only took me 26 years to figure out, but I got it!  As mentioned here, I have officially applied to the University of Iowa to complete my bachelor's, and then, inshallah, be on my way to law school!  Thankfully, Iowa has an online program for those of us who have 60+ credits (I currently have 91) where you can complete a BLS and focus on whatever courses will benefit you most.  I emailed Iowa's School of Law to confirm that that degree would be accepted (I don't want to pay for something that will get me nowhere) and yay, it would! I will hopefully be starting classes in May. Fingers crossed it will take two years or less to complete the BLS.  

Ben is almost finished with his masters and starting to think more seriously about how to go about getting his Ph.D.  He is exploring his options a bit and trying to figure out the best path for him.  This is a new area for both of us, so any advice is happily accepted.  Before we start towards our higher degrees we plan to meet with a financial adviser and figure out things in that department or at least get an idea of what to expect.  Our biggest worries aren't necessarily about getting into the higher ed. programs, but about surviving financially during and after earning our degrees.  Kind of a scary thing.

I'm so excited for our future!  Ben knows what he wants to do and is figuring out how to accomplish it, I have finally figured out my calling, and we are slowly, but surely, working towards our goals.  I find it laughable that a year ago I thought I might want to be a librarian.  Or a teacher.  What the heck was I thinking? HA.  SO not for me.  I enjoy working in the legal field and I want to learn more.  Ben enjoys having in depth conversations with other educators about different teaching styles and what works best in the classroom and wants to eventually be a professor.

  Basically, we both like using our brains to the max.  

We're excited.  We have the motivation.  We have the support.

Smarts

GO HAWKS!

After much thought and consideration, I have applied to University of Iowa to complete my bachelor's degree!!!

Ultimate goal - law school!

Also, once I earn my bachelor's I will have accomplished a life-long goal to be a true Hawkeye Alumni!

New Beginnings!

It is that time of year again!  School is starting and Hawkeye football is about to begin!  This is my favorite time of year!  I love the colors of fall, the warm smells, the cozy clothes and the fun filled activities. 

Something else exciting is happening now as well.  Monday was my mom's first day of college!!  After 35 years of working at Methode she is starting down a new path. It has been a big and scary transition for her, but now that everything is set and classes have started her confidence has grown and it is wonderful to see her excited about school! I am incredibly proud of her for her bravery in starting a new chapter in her life.

Ben and I have started a new chapter in our lives as well.  We have purchased our first home together and are settling into life in Cedar Rapids.  Ben started work last week and today has his first day with students! I'm looking forward to going to future performances and supporting him in his career.  I am currently still on the job hunt and actually have an interview this week! I have been enjoying the life of a Holly Housewife, but am SO ready to have a job and contribute to our income. Fingers crossed the interview goes well!!

(Pictures to follow when my computer stops being an idiot.)

From the Heart

So this may be a long shot, but I thought I would throw it out there anyway. . . 

At the end of this school year Ben and I plan to go through all of our belongings in Dubai to make the decision as to what we do or do not want to take with us back to the States.  An idea came to me to offer anything we did not want to take to the amazing Filipino women who work at our school.  In this country, Filipinos are close to the bottom of the food chain.  They are paid very minimally and expected to work incredibly hard for it.  Most of them are here because they are earning money to send home to support their families and do not get to enjoy the excitement of Dubai.  They just can't afford it. 

Back to my idea - I plan to wash any clothing Ben and I do not wish to keep and put together any household items that we are not taking home and offer them to the wonderful women we work with.  That being said, if you feel moved to donate anything, please feel free to package it up and send it to us!  It takes about a month or a little over to receive packages, so it would need to be done fairly soon.  I realize that this may not be something many people respond to, but I wanted to throw out the invitation out there anyway.

Our address:

Collegiate American School

Attn: Benjamin Jackson & Lyndsey Jackson

P.O. Box 121306

Umm Suqeim

Dubai, U.A.E.

Love to you all and see you soon!  

Mini Performances

I apologize for the poor video quality, but I wanted to post these two videos so you can get a glimpse of what Ben has been working on.  I will let Ben explain the rest!

March 7th signaled the end of my xylophone unit with my 3rd grade classes for the year. This year I chose to teach the xylophones using a variety of videos that I made on my computer. My aim was to teach kids specific vocabulary and content while giving them an opportunity to explore the instrument for themselves instead of mimicking my own moves to learn the songs. This was actually pretty successful as every kid by the end of the unit was able to play through each of the three parts shown in the videos individually. I chose them for their parts in the performance randomly. The video in the link was the only one I posted and it was extremely effective for teaching the melody. The other two parts I taught using print outs that the kids explored on their own in a given time period and then put together.

Things for me to remember the next time I teach this unit: 1) The bass part was an eighth note rhythm that alternated between the lower octave and the higher octave for each note played. Essentially the kids were playing C-C, D-D, E-E, G-G, but alternating between the low and the high. The bass instruments are big and so next time I will have the alto instruments play this part to make it more manageable for the kids. The altos had a straight quarter note rhythm playing four two note combinations repeated. This would have been excellent on the basses as the steady beat would have been more prominent and the speeding up may have been avoided. 2) The kids will always speed up. This is an unfortunate inevitability no matter how hard you work at it. It makes the eighth note rhythm that much more difficult too. 3) I will teach the basic eighth note rhythm (two hands playing octaves at the same time) instead of the alternating rhythm first. This will give me a chance to differentiate to the higher level for kids who can do it rather than trying have kids who have trouble managing the harder rhythm go to the easier (which they refused--good for them?)

I am very proud of my students in the 3rd grade. They consistently work hard during music lessons and have made extreme advances in many different areas this year. I plan to get them all more performance opportunities throughout the rest of the year because they really deserve to show off their work. -Ben 

Dishdasha Daddy

Ben dressed up in the traditional Middle Eastern garb for U.A.E. National Day.  He later had the headdress tied to stay on better.  I stole it for a bit. . .  :)

Extravagance

There are many things in Dubai that can make your jaw drop and/or make you feel you are living in a completely different world.  A whole new world filled with lots of shiny, pretty things that still surprise this small town girl.  

Example:
 

Vehicle in the 41th (joke) U.A.E. National Day

December 2, 2012

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(No idea why I can't get rid of this space ^ )

I have gotten used to expecting extravagance in everything around me, although I am still shocked by it at times, and was thrilled when I became a part of that extravagance.  Since the world didn't end on the December 21st, we celebrated Dubai style with our fellow colleagues.  The event was held at Atlantis on the Palm Jumeirah.  (The Palm is a man-made island if you hadn't heard of it.) We were picked up in a redneck limo (school bus) and arrived safely at our venue.  It was a bit chilly and windy, so we were happy to find that the event had been moved indoors.  

Front entrance.

When you walked around the back of the building, there were heat lamps and fancy cocktail tables set up, as well as pretty Chinese lanterns and the ocean was a few steps away.  We were greeted with fresh juice or beer before even entering the building.  Ben was asked his age - hilarious.  When we got inside I was floored with how gorgeous it was. 

Front entrance hall.  

Is this for work or a fancy-pants wedding? !!!

After I recovered from my initial shock, I grabbed a glass of wine and socialized.  You had to be careful with alcohol because the servers would walk around and refill your glass without you noticing.  The food was ok, desserts were tasty and the company was fantastic!

Ben was trying to keep his booze out of the picture.  Fail.

I understand that in larger cities in the U.S. this may be a regular thing to be expected each year from employers, but this isn't what I normally expect!!  They also gave away lap tops, a 3D tv, mini iPads, smart phones, and gift certificates.  Not too shabby. . . Apparently they have another one of these shindigz at the end of the year so I am excited to see if it can match/top this one!