Oy vey!

Our lives have been a ridiculous roller coaster of stress the last six months. Working on getting the house sold, finding an apartment, finding Ben a job, and financial planning is enough to drive a person mad. I think that the month between the end of work and beginning of law school will be a much needed break to relax and rein in my anxiety. 

Throughout this process we have hit bump after bump. The theme to the past 6 months has been "whatever can go wrong, will." Everyone keeps telling me that it will all work out in the end. Well, yeah, but they aren't the ones who have to sacrifice their bank accounts in the meantime. Oy vey.

Despite how it may sound, Ben and I have both remained positive and are taking everything in stride. There have been a couple glimmers of relief in the past week or so, and if those would just pan out we would be able to breathe easy for a while. Fingers crossed!

As I reflect on the past few months and what is in the very near future, I am reminded how blessed I am to be married to a man as wonderful as Ben. He has been nothing but supportive of my decision to go to law school. He has agreed to quit his job, move to another state, and support us financially as I pursue my degree. He does not do this begrudgingly or expect "repayment". His love and support still amazes me. 

Of course, I have offered a form of "repayment". If/when Ben decides to pursue his Ph.D., I will offer him the same deal he is offering me. He just has to wait a few years. In anticipation of his future endeavors, he is using this time to discover ways in which he can gain experience a knowledge that will benefit him in the long run. 

We have less than a month until we can move into our apartment in St. Paul. We have a lot to do between now and then. We are looking forward to this next chapter!

2016 Presidential Election / 2017 Inauguration

I exercised my right to vote in the 2016 Presidential Election, therefore I have earned the right to be upset with its outcome.

I just watched a live-stream of the inauguration of Donald Trump. I am still in disbelief that this was the outcome of the election and continue to be filled with fear and sorrow. What I try to remind myself is that this man did NOT win the popular vote. HRC had the popular lead by nearly 2.9 million American votes. #imwithher

As much as I have tried, I cannot seam to muster any positivity towards this new presidency. I cried on November 9th, 2016 when I learned the outcome of the election. I cried today, January 20, 2017, as I watched the live-stream of the inauguration. 

As a woman, I feel threatened. There are individuals who believe that women are not equal to men (among an additional array of issues facing women). Meryl Streep put it perfectly in her speech at the Golden Globes:

"...when it's modeled by someone in the public platform, by someone powerful, it filters down into everybody's life, because it kind of gives permission for other people to do the same thing. Disrespect invites disrespect." 

She was referring to Trump mocking a disabled journalist, but it holds true to any form of disrespect, xenophobia, homophobia, you name it. I will be entering a male-dominated profession within the next four years. The thought of men (or anyone) mirroring Trump's behaviors is TERRIFYING. I know there are many men who would not mirror his behaviors. This is not a man-bashing/man-hating thing. It is just how I feel at this moment.

I wish I could be at the Women's March on Washington tomorrow. 

[This post is not my greatest, but I felt I should memorialize my feelings on this day. I do not wish for Trump to fail - I wish for him to prove me wrong in my fears.]

Mini-Rant re: Law School

I strive to be an optimistic and positive individual. Despite hearing horrible things about law school, I have tried to maintain that mindset throughout my application and selection process.

Keeping that in mind. . .

I am so sick of the negativity that arises when people ask me about law school. I'm to the point I just don't want to hear it. In response to my comment that I was excited for law school, I had one individual state, "You shouldn't be."  WHAT?! I am taking the initiative to further my career and to expand my knowledge base. I know law school will be hard, but come on, man. I can be excited for the opportunity of self-improvement.

I'm not stupid. I know law school is going to be a lot of work. I'm not under any illusion that this will be a break from life and a nice three year vacation. I will have to work harder than I am now, say no to social events, say no to family events, etc. I will have internships/externships during summers and breaks and won't get to sit around binge watching Netflix the entire time. I. Get. It.

So, if you don't have anything supportive to say, shove off.

**NOTE: If you are reading this, I am very likely NOT referring to you.

Clarity

I have been asked on multiple occasions why I decided to take a year in between getting my bachelor's and starting law school. One part of the answer has to do with financial security. I want to take extra time to build our savings so that we don't have to go as far in debt, because trust me - we will have plenty of it after law school! Another part has to do with my marriage and time spent with family/friends. The past two years I have been absent quite a bit. I said no to many things and feel as though I've neglected my relationships. I want to take a year to nurture those relationships. The biggest part of my decision has to do with my overwhelming anxiety.

I have struggled with depression and anxiety since high school. When I start to feel overwhelmed, I shut down. I have struggled with this the last two years and I am so proud of myself for not crumbling completely! Working full-time, going to school nearly full-time, and trying to manage my relationships was hard.  Really hard. Because I took classes during spring, summer and fall, I never got a break from the constant feeling of being on the verge of failure. That's how I feel when I'm at my max - close to failure in some aspect of my life. I start thinking I can't do it. I get anxiety about my anxiety and worry that I'm not good enough, not smart enough, and that I'm going to fail. That is crippling. SO - a year of returning to a normal playing field is much needed before embarking on my law school adventure. I am optimistic that while law school will be difficult, I will feel less overwhelmed because I will not be working and can focus solely on my education.

Mental health is such a taboo topic, even still as many celebrities and other well known individuals have begun to reveal their personal struggles. I am a deeply private person and it is hard for me to be open about this topic, especially since I do feel shame surrounding my issues. Why do I write this post then, you ask? Because at least here you can read it, know my reason, and I won't have to feel uncomfortable trying to explain and justify my decision.

Graduation!

May favorite! Maple bacon cake!!!!

Ten years after graduating high school, I finally graduated from college! Graduation was held at Carver Hawkeye Arena on May 14, 2016 at 9:00 a.m. While I am not thankful for the piles of student loans that I am facing come November, I am thankful for the winding road I took to achieve this degree. My college journey was punctuated with life experiences, both negative and positive, and they have all played a part in getting me to where I am today. I am blessed with amazing family, friends all over the U.S. and world, a job I love, a home of my own, and two sweet babies (my dogs).

Ben snapped this photo while waiting for the graduation ceremony to begin. I was tired and lacking coffee. And obviously lacking excitement. 

This wonderful man has had to put up with my antisocial behaviors for the last 2 years. I feel he deserves quite a bit of recognition for this graduation as well. He helped to keep me sane when the stress of trying to do everything (work, school, family, social life, marriage, etc.) perfectly made me feel overwhelmed. 

I always love my time with my mummy. Our quality time the past two years has taken a hit due to school (for both of us) and work. She, too, helped to keep me sane throughout this process from beginning to end. At the end of the graduation ceremony, the graduates were asked to look at their family as the speaker discussed how they helped get us all there (or something like that. . . I was not being a very good listener!). I waved up at my mummy and she later told me, with tears in her eyes, that I wave the same as I did when I was a little girl. I make note of it because it is a memory I want to keep. :)  I will always be her little Lyndsey! 

What happens next is fairly unknown. I have applied to law schools and secured a seat for the class of 2020 at Mitchell Hamline School of Law. I have a year to make decisions and figure out what I want. I will use my year wisely to refresh and reconnect with my neglected family and friends. Currently, I am looking forward to a summer of kayaking, camping, all things outdoorsy! 

GO HAWKS!

[P.S. I am an official HAWKEYE ALUMNI!]

Anxiety Revelation

Since submitting my law school apps, I have felt nothing but anxiety. As mentioned in my previous post, it's been a bit of an emotional roller coaster!  

A couple nights ago while reading before bed, it occurred to me why I am having soooo much anxiety regarding law school. There is of course the normal stress that change can bring, but I also will be leaving a job that I love, with people that I love working with. By leaving the job, I am removing my ability to successfully support myself. BOOM! There it is. The thought of not being able to support myself is terrifying. I am absolutely blessed with a loving, hardworking, husband who is more than willing to work to support both of us for the next few years. That isn't the issue - that is wonderful. I think I have some deep-rooted need to know that no matter what happens, I can take care of myself without needing anyone's help. If I'm being honest, without needing a man's help. I have trust issues when it comes to males. I'm sure anyone with a psychology background can psychoanalyze the crap out of that paragraph. 

It helps me to know that after law school, Ben and I will reverse roles. He will dive full-time into a Ph.D. program of his choosing and I will bring home the bacon. It is also incredibly helpful that I feel solid in our marriage and that we are both on the same page in terms of our commitment to one another and our wanting the other to succeed. I basically need to enlist the help of a therapist to straighten out the crazy that goes on in my head. Understanding that this is what is causing me significant amounts of stress and anxiety actually helps to relieve it a bit. Thank goodness.

Of note: I have been accepted to a law school!! I have only heard from one of 8 that I applied to. Hopefully I see some more admissions roll in!

Emotional Roller Coaster

Now that I have submitted most of my applications to law school, I have been on quite the roller coaster ride of emotions. As typical with my generation, I enjoy instant gratification, so having to wait 3+ weeks for a decision is driving me mad.

Day 1: Submit application. Feel proud of self and excited! 

Day 2: Check status of application a gillion times per hour. Feel confident. 

Day 3: No one is going to say yes. . . I'm not going to get in. This is going to be awful. 

Day 4: It doesn't matter all that much. I plan to take a year off anyway. I'm fine.

Day 5: PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE.

Day 6 & 7: What if I get in? What if we have to move? Change is too scary. I'm going to go vomit now.

Week one down. At least two to go. 

Yay.

Law School - Apply Today!

Some of the various law schools I am interested in applying to open their applications today!!!!

Errrrrrmahgerrrrd!

Who is ridiculously giddy and has butterflies in their tummy?! This girl.

Unfortunately, I won't take my LSAT until October 3rd, so official submissions cannot be made until then. BUT I am being proactive and collecting my letters of recommendation, drafting my personal statement and other various addenda I plan to file, and I will fill in what information I do have in the applications so they are ready for me to click SUBMIT once I receive that LSAT score! 

All that being what it is, Ben and I are mulling over the decision to wait one year before I start law school. We plan to have all debt (aside from student loans, car payment and mortgage) paid off by the end of January, so at that point we can begin saving more each month. If I waited a year to start law school, we would be in a better place financially once I did start.  This is just an idea flitting around. We will see what happens and what we decide together. 

Wish me luck!

All Work and No Play

There are men and women out there who are parents (married or single), work full time, and go to school full time. How in the name of Sam Hill do they do they do that!? I work full time and have no other obligations besides my husband and dogs and struggle to fit everything in!

My life right now.

The past month has been an up hill race to get things done for my classes.  I procrastinated in my spring semester classes due to (1) laziness; and (2) a promotion at work that was a stressful process. Therefore, I spent two weeks doing everything in those classes to have them finished by July 15th. Now I am just working on my summer classes.  I signed up for 3 - two independent studies and one regular online course. With Hawaii and finishing up my spring classes, I have gotten essentially nothing done on my summer independent studies. Thankfully, you have two semesters to complete independent studies, but I have a minimum amount of work that has to be completed by August 1st. It ends up being about half of the coursework, and so it is yet another scramble to get everything completed. 

My new favorite response to being asked to do something fun is, "No, I have homework." I can tell that Ben has been disappointed by this response on more than one occasion when he has to go hang out with our friends solo. I look forward to when August 2nd arrives and I can be more social again. I tell him it is a good glimpse into what law school will be like. Although, with law school I will not be working full time and won't allow myself to fall behind in my coursework like this, so I hopefully will be able to say "yes" more often than never. 

Ben has been truly amazing the last month. I have neglected my normal duties in our joint partnership to keep our home livable and stocked with life's necessities and Ben has taken care of nearly everything! This has been such a blessing to me and has helped to alleviate some of my stress.

This stressful time has served as a chance to learn something about my husband. Ben encourages me to work on school work and there are times I refuse. It is frustrating for him because he feels that I am resisting his attempts to help me succeed. I was thinking about it last night and I have come to the conclusion that Ben and I do not learn in the same way. (Well, duh.). Ben is able to focus. Like intensely focus. On anything. It is really quite amazing to me that he is able to do that. I cannot do that. Unless I am reading Harry Potter. If it doesn't have to do with Harry Potter, I have the attention span of a gold fish. After a couple few hours of studying my brain is exhausted and needs a break. Once I take a break, I am ready to go again. SO - when I say, "No, Ben. I'm going to watch an episode of Justified and THEN study," it is really just allowing my brain time to refresh. 

Photography: New to the Scene

I have always loved photography. When I was younger, I dreamed of growing up and having my own studio (for a few minutes - then it was back to wanting to be a princess or a mother). Since Ben and I were married, I have made it a habit to bogart Ben's fancy pants camera and make him use the point and shoot or his phone when we are out and about. This is unfair for many reasons - number one [to me] being that Ben is much better at working the camera and would likely get a much better shot than the semi-blurred, crappy version I get. Sorry, dear.

Knowing that I am a total hog and don't like to share [not JUST referencing the camera here. . . ;)], I have been keeping my eye out for my own fancy camera. This past weekend I spotted a heck of a deal on one of those Facebook buy/sell/trade groups and after discussion with Ben, purchased my own camera, lenses, bag, etc. It is a Canon Rebel T5i, and it is beautiful! 

Crappy photo - but you get the picture. 

I didn't get a whole lot of time to play with and experience my camera because I have too much homework to do, but I did sign up for a beginner's class on July 20th and found some great tutorials here. I like their videos so much, I went ahead and bought the first intro to your camera downloads and am excited to watch those and try out my new gear!

This is a purchase for me to increase my enjoyment of the photos I take and to have a fun hobby. I have no future plans to have my own photography business, but I do want to learn and feel proud of the photos I take. Here is to learning new things!

Never ending struggle.

You know that thing called metabolism? Well mine sucks. It has since I was like 12 years old. So it is seriously a never ending struggle to remain at a weight I am comfortable with and unfortunately, I am not perfect. I fall off the wagon and gain weight and hate it. I inherited the Watznauer genes and am doomed to deal with this the rest of my life. Since I have been dealing with it for so long, though, I joke that when I'm 40+ and my metabolism dips even lower, I'll already know how to control my weight because I've been doing it for SO long.

In January I made the decision to join Farrell's because I was absolutely not happy with my weight and appearance and wanted to get fit and healthy again. It was also a motivating factor (but not the main factor) that we are going to Hawaii in June and I didn't want to feel like a beached whale while lounging in a two piece swim suit. It is now May and while the scale has not moved substantially, I have lost inches and can actually fit into clothes that I haven't been able to squeeze into in almost a year and a half. That feels fantastic!

I am still a ways away from where I want to be. I am about 3-4 dress sizes (depending on the day) away from where I want to be, but I am working hard to get there!

Another motivating factor in all of this was finding out that I am fructose intolerant.  I had to change my eating habits if I didn't want to feel like junk anymore. That means cutting out sweets (which I struggle with a lot - and pay for a lot when I give into cravings), processed foods, fast food, etc. I also have dairy sensitivities (common among those who are fructose intolerant) and so regular trips to DQ are a no-no. These eliminations from my diet have had an impact on my size as well. I am still trying to figure out what I can and cannot eat since it is different for everyone, but I'm proud of my progress.

To document my progress, here are a couple photos from late August of 2014:

And here is a photo from April 27, 2015:

Look at how much thinner my face is?! Part of the body slimness in that photo is due to the fact that that mirror is AWESOME. A $10 Wal-Mart purchase that always makes you look thin. :) BUT most of that is due to my hard work. I purchased that dress in November of 2014 thinking that when I lost weight I could wear it. It was too cute to pass up at the 2nd hand store! I couldn't come close to buttoning it when I purchased it. Basically from the T-cross up was open and the arms were so tight that if I flexed (or pretended to flex [non-existent muscles]), it would rip Hulk style.

Honesty I struggle to see any difference and don't feel as though I have made progress, but that dress proves that I am strides ahead of where I was previously. I plan to continue in Farrell's as a fit member and also have the 21 Day Fit Extreme that I follow sporadically. I am determined to get to where I am comfortable and feel good in my own skin!

Stuff to work on

There are things in my life that I need to improve upon. 

First off, I am awesome at procrastination. I have had two semesters to complete an independent study and with 2 weeks until everything is due, I am scrambling to get it all completed.  That is 7 assignments and 2 exams. Why do I do this to myself?!

I would also like to improve upon managing finances. I think that Ben and I have gotten a lot better, but we still struggle to put money into savings and keep it there. We do not have any credit cards besides essentials (i.e. needed a fridge for our new house and financed it.). We are working on paying off these essential store credit cards and becoming "debt free". In my mind, mortgages, cars, and student loans do not count. Those are going to be a part of our lives no matter what. At least car loans take a heck of a lot less time to pay off than the other two.

These are simply two things that are punching me in the face right now, so I thought I would share. 

Surprise piano!

I play piano.  I have wanted a piano since moving out of my parents' house and leaving behind the green beast upright that weighs a bazillion pounds.  Well, on Saturday, April 26, 2014, I came home to a piano in my living room!

Piano as I found it when I came home!

My darling husband surprised me with this beauty out of the blue! He coordinated with our friends so that he could (1) get the piano to our house; (2) get me out of the house; and (3) have help in getting the piano up our hill and through the front door.  Well, he succeeded on all fronts.  I had NO idea that this is what he was doing!  

Earlier in the week Ben mentioned doing lunch and beers with a couple of our guy friends at a nearby bar he had been wanting to try.  I thought that sounded great and I would either chill at home or see what Johnna was up to.  Johnna beat me to the punch by asking if I would want to run errands with her and Maelynn. 

Saturday I showered and headed out with Johnna.  Ben was getting ready to leave at the same time, too, and when he forgot the address to the house so he could pick up the piano, he was sure I thought something was going on.  I didn't think anything of it.

When we were getting close to the house after our errands, Johnna had me call Ben to see if he'd help carry in the bags.  Danny and him were sitting out on the patio waiting for our return.  They helped us carry in the bags and when I walked in I did a double take and exclaimed "WHOA!".  My initial thought was, "Who are we storing this for?".  

What surprised me almost as much as the piano, was that Ben kept it a secret! He did say something midweek about how now that he has his guitar, we need to get me a musical instrument.  He also had told me that on Saturday he would have a surprise for me, but I had completely forgotten.  He received the piano from a student's parent.  They asked him if he knew anyone who wanted a piano and he said that he would take it.  He explained that I have played for years and have wanted one for a very long time.  The piano was in her family for three generations, but her sons didn't want it so they were looking to get rid of it.  Now it is ours.  :)

Doesn't this just make you want to snuggle up with a book and tea? 

Now we have the piano set up in our entertaining area and it has made the room that much more cozy.  I love it!  I especially love my romantic husband who so thoughtfully orchestrated all of this!

My happy place! 

RULES: 

1.  NO pounding on the keys.

2.  NO food or drink to be set on the piano. Anywhere.

3.  NO chop sticks. 

4.  NO making fun of my doily.

:)

This week at the CR Jackson household . . . 2.0

This has been a fairly productive week for us.  We filed our taxes, I finished my FAFSA, we cleaned, spent much needed time with friends, and I gave the dog a bath. It seems a bit more impressive in my head than written out. . . 

Last Sunday I was getting a bit of cabin fever and was able to convince Ben to do a mini-date of browsing at the used book store and grabbing a coffee.  We found a book on growing a small garden that we purchased because we plan to do a raised garden of sorts in our backyard (and hopefully lots of canning!!!! With the help of my mother-in-law hopefully!).  Ben also found a book of ideas on how to integrate technology in the elementary music classroom which is something he is very interested in.  I struggled to find something that I found interesting, so as we on our way up to the register to pay, I grabbed the book Half the Sky: How to Change the World, and it has turned out to be AWESOME.  It is truly heartbreaking, but also inspiring.  I highly recommend picking it up!  Not pictured is my oober awesome Sound of Music record that I picked up! 

^^ This little tooty has been enjoying the spring weather.  He knocks on the door alllllll the time so he can go out and tree squirrels, bask in the sunlight, and do whatever it is that doggies do.  He has also enjoyed more frequent walks since it is not below zero and grody out.  

Since it is changing seasons and we are emerging from hibernation, Ben and I are putting our heads together on how to decorate our home/clean it up/improve it.  We are going to paint our living room/dining nook/entry way (all one area) and have narrowed it down to our paint choices.  We are also going to paint our bedroom so it no longer looks like a tampon box.  We also are going to remove the bajillion cans of paint we inherited with the house, along with the crappy, smelly, broken furniture the previous owner left behind.  We want to get our garage cleaned out and made into a nice and organized space.  We are going to organize our downstairs pantry (once all the paint cans are removed).  We are going to go through the spare bedroom closet and get rid of things we no longer need.  We are having a yard sale at some point in Hamilton with Ma.  So excited to continue de-fluffing our junk.

I often find myself daydreaming about where we were a year ago.  Mostly because I miss the people we met in Dubai and the bond we shared with them.  On our way home from Dubai, I was sobbing in the airport and when Ben asked why, I told him it was because I was really going to miss my dear friend, Soha.  I still shed a tear every once in a while for those I miss.  Naomi, Casey, and David -- Ben and I both want you to move in next door to us, please.  We miss our nights of conversation and cards!  :)  

Anyway, in looking back at pictures on Facebook from this time of year in 2013, these are a few of my favorite pictures:

Naomi and I showed up to work wearing the same outfit.
We did not plan it. :)

Wonderful people

<3

I miss sharing shisha. . . 

SKY DIVING! Most awesome experience EVER!

I don't think he is having any fun.

I would love a pet camel!

I think one day Ben and I will again be abroad.  It may be Dubai again, it may be somewhere completely different.  Until then, we have wonderful memories with amazing people from our time in the desert.

Smarts 2.0

You know what is completely refreshing and thrilling?  KNOWING WHAT YOU WANT TO DO WHEN YOU GROW UP!  It only took me 26 years to figure out, but I got it!  As mentioned here, I have officially applied to the University of Iowa to complete my bachelor's, and then, inshallah, be on my way to law school!  Thankfully, Iowa has an online program for those of us who have 60+ credits (I currently have 91) where you can complete a BLS and focus on whatever courses will benefit you most.  I emailed Iowa's School of Law to confirm that that degree would be accepted (I don't want to pay for something that will get me nowhere) and yay, it would! I will hopefully be starting classes in May. Fingers crossed it will take two years or less to complete the BLS.  

Ben is almost finished with his masters and starting to think more seriously about how to go about getting his Ph.D.  He is exploring his options a bit and trying to figure out the best path for him.  This is a new area for both of us, so any advice is happily accepted.  Before we start towards our higher degrees we plan to meet with a financial adviser and figure out things in that department or at least get an idea of what to expect.  Our biggest worries aren't necessarily about getting into the higher ed. programs, but about surviving financially during and after earning our degrees.  Kind of a scary thing.

I'm so excited for our future!  Ben knows what he wants to do and is figuring out how to accomplish it, I have finally figured out my calling, and we are slowly, but surely, working towards our goals.  I find it laughable that a year ago I thought I might want to be a librarian.  Or a teacher.  What the heck was I thinking? HA.  SO not for me.  I enjoy working in the legal field and I want to learn more.  Ben enjoys having in depth conversations with other educators about different teaching styles and what works best in the classroom and wants to eventually be a professor.

  Basically, we both like using our brains to the max.  

We're excited.  We have the motivation.  We have the support.

Smarts

GO HAWKS!

After much thought and consideration, I have applied to University of Iowa to complete my bachelor's degree!!!

Ultimate goal - law school!

Also, once I earn my bachelor's I will have accomplished a life-long goal to be a true Hawkeye Alumni!

Progress: Scale Obsession

I work out.

I can remember back to the beginning of my freshman year of high school when I was sitting on the bleachers of our gym with my friend Kelsey after having just been weighed in front of everyone.  We were both pretty mortified.  I couldn't believe I actually weighed 121 pounds. . . Man, what a fatty.

 

I'd kill to be "fat" like that again.

 

I think it was sometime around middle school when I was actually told by a classmate that I was "fat" that my obsession with the scale began.  I had to have my weight at a certain level or I was eternally doomed to the single life and moo moos.  What ridiculousness! That actually led to unhealthy eating/workout habits my junior year of high school which, thankfully, I overcame. 

 

Since then, I have continued to struggle with focusing on the number on the scale instead of focusing on being healthy.  It took awhile, but I am finally getting away from that bad habit.  I have been lifting weights and know that inevitably I'm going to gain weight due to more muscle mass.  My pants are starting to fit better by just a smidge (I think - or maybe that is just in my head), so why do I need to get on the scale each morning to "check in"?  Answer: I don't.  Maybe I'll weigh in once every month or so just to guage things, but I'm not going to let the number tear me down. 

 

I should just get rid of my personal scale and use the one at the gym.  . . . I don't think I'm quite ready for that step yet.  But progress is progress!

 

Healthy Lifestyle

I want to be a bit smaller than this and TONED!
I'd take that tan back, as well.

Though it was a depressing task, I had Ben take 'before' pictures as a reference point in my fitness/health goals.  I also took measurements of my waist, thighs, arms, hips and "gut".  (The gut is not a typical measurement, but one I added in for my own benefit.).  O, and I weighed myself.  The pictures, measurements and weight will not be making an appearance on this blog until I have awesome transformation stats to post, but I think it was a good step to acquire those in order to track my progress and see the difference my lifestyle change is making.

 

I'm changing up my normal gym routine that I have used in the past.  I used to just hit whatever cardio machine caught my fancy and park it there for an hour each day.  As a friend told me, that accomplishes you getting "skinny-fat", aka skinny, but still squishy.  I want to be thin and toned, therefore, I'm hitting the weights!  I've downloaded the bodybuilding.com app on my iPhone and browsing through programs and different workouts on there that I can try.  I have always been intimidated by weightlifting, so this is a big deal to me.  Yesterday, I even crossed into the free weight section of the gym! Woot woot!  

 

Along with my fitness goal, I also want to start eating healthier as well.  I keep track of what I eat daily on the MyFitnessPal app and was disappointed to see the percentage of fat and carbs to the protein my diet.  I essentially have no idea what I'm talking about when it comes to all that jazz, so I'm going to start doing my research.  If you know any good books or blogs, please let me know!  

 

In other news, it's cold.   

 

New Year. New Goals.

I hate New Year resolutions.  They tend to be something we are passionate about for a week or two, maybe even a month, and then they fall by the wayside.  I am, however, a fan of goals.  Is there a difference?  Yes, in my opinion.  A resolution often times seems to be something that we expect instant gratification from (at least that's how I see it).  A goal requires work, determination and change.

In our first house as a married coupe.
Xmas 2013

That being said, I have a few goals for the year 2014.

1.  I have truly failed at maintaining this blog since our return from Dubai.  I want to remedy that.  My goal is to eventually be back to posting at least once a week.  There is no reason this goal cannot be met considering at some point during my weekends you can find my butt parked on the couch catching up on Grey's or watching some other movie/show that is taking away precious minutes of my life that I will never get back.  (Grey's is so worth it, though.)

2.  Ben and I have both agree to do the 52 week challenge this year.  This is where you have a money pot that you add to each week of the 52 week year.  Week 1 - you add $1.  Week 2 - $2.  Week 30 - $30.  So long as we remember to put the amount in each week, this is a completely reasonable goal and an easy and great way to save money.  Hawaii 2015 here we come!

3.  True to many peoples' New Year resolutions, I have a 'lose weight' want.  But this is a goal, remember?  Not a resolution.  My goal is to become more active, fit and healthy.  Since our return from Dubai we have struggled to find the room in our finances to cover the cost of the gym.  We have decided that this is something important to our health and happiness and a gym membership is a must.  We tried a couple gyms, made a decision and went with it.  Now we need to work on making going to the gym a habit as well as something we look forward to.  I'm excited to get back into shape, feel fit and sexy, and to be able to wear alllllllll of my jeans again!  

4.  As new home owners, Ben and I have man projects we want to complete.  A few that I would like to accomplish this year are as follows:

Organize the garage

Organize our storage closets

Organize our pantry

Paint our bedroom(s)

Print, frame, and hang wedding and engagement photos

Frame and hang prints/pictures we have purchased in our travels

New couch, area rug and TV stand for the living room

I'm sure the list could go on if I sat and thought about it, but these are where I would like to start.  I was able to pick up a few frames from Michael's during their 50% off frames sale AND I had an additional 15% off coupon, so I'm well on the way to completing that goal!

$180 worth of frames for $70!!!! O YEAH!

5.  As I have discussed before, I have only completed an AA, not a BA.  I won't be able to accomplish the goal of obtaining a BA this year, but I could at least start the process.  Not only would having my bachelor's make me a more desirable hire, but it will make me feel more accomplished.

6.  Since we are living back in the States, and in Iowa for that matter, you have to be willing to seek out new adventures.  They don't just plop down at your feel like they do if you are abroad.  Therefore, it is my goal to explore our State and country more, look for new adventures in the familiar.

Those are a few of the goals that I (we) have for the year.  We have also made a few goals between us as a couple that we will be working to accomplish.  All of our goals are attainable. All of our goals will help to make us happier, healthier and more rounded.

 It should be a wonderful year!

Struggle

Miss these beautiful ladies!

  The past few weeks it has been a constant battle to remain in high spirits.  The reason?  Well, there are many: 

 

(1)  I met some truly amazing people in Dubai and I miss them like crazy.  Since it took time for me to adjust to being abroad and to actually feel happy away from the States, I think I missed out on opportunities to get to know some of the people better.  In my last few months, I really started to open up and form stronger bonds with some of the ladies.  Now seeing their Facebook posts about going and doing things together breaks my heart a little bit.  I want to be with them.  AND I miss Naomi.  Again, I feel as though I missed out on experiences we could have had due to me being a mopey idiot.

 

(2)  I miss the experience of living abroad.  It has always been a fear of mine to lead a hum-drum life and not be able to regale my future children/grandchildren with stories of my amazing life.  While I know it is ridiculous, I feel as though my life lost its interestingness when we moved back to Iowa. I constanly have to remind myself that we have done some amazing things since our return in July.  We have traveled to Minneapolis, traveled throughout Colorado (where I need to eventually live!), purchased our first house, had some amazing experiences with our wonderful friends, gone to Spring Green for another play, enjoyed time in Galena, spent many hours with my beautiful goddaughter, spent time with our family, etc. 

 

(3)  I keep thinking about what we were doing at this time last year and see what our Dubai/Panama friends are currently doing and feel like I'm missing out.

 

(4)  I miss doing new, crazy, weird, never would have done it unless I was abroad things.

 

(5) This gosh darn weather.  Constant cold, rainy weather is not conducive of warm fuzzy happiness, in my opinion.  OR going to work in the dark and getting home at dark.  UGH.

 

There are more reasons that I could continue to list, but I think those sum it up quite well. I think this time will be a transition, much like when we first moved to Dubai.  It took me about 6 ish months to really start loving it there, and I need to be patient and realize it might take that much time to adjust back to here.  Now if all of the amazing, wonderful people could please just move in next door, that would be fabulous!!!  :)