Mini-Rant re: Law School

I strive to be an optimistic and positive individual. Despite hearing horrible things about law school, I have tried to maintain that mindset throughout my application and selection process.

Keeping that in mind. . .

I am so sick of the negativity that arises when people ask me about law school. I'm to the point I just don't want to hear it. In response to my comment that I was excited for law school, I had one individual state, "You shouldn't be."  WHAT?! I am taking the initiative to further my career and to expand my knowledge base. I know law school will be hard, but come on, man. I can be excited for the opportunity of self-improvement.

I'm not stupid. I know law school is going to be a lot of work. I'm not under any illusion that this will be a break from life and a nice three year vacation. I will have to work harder than I am now, say no to social events, say no to family events, etc. I will have internships/externships during summers and breaks and won't get to sit around binge watching Netflix the entire time. I. Get. It.

So, if you don't have anything supportive to say, shove off.

**NOTE: If you are reading this, I am very likely NOT referring to you.

Mitchell Hamline School of Law - Graduating Class of 2020! (Inshallah. . . )

The decision has been officially made! Ben and I will be moving to the Twin Cities next year so that I can attend Mitchell Hamline School of Law!

Initially, I planned to retake the LSAT and apply to the University of Iowa. If I were accepted there, we wouldn't have to move and Ben would already have a job. Plus, we would remain close to family and friends. After much thought and discussion with Ben, I decided that is not the road I would like to take. Moving away from Iowa will force me to go outside of my comfort zone and explore new options. There are so many facets of the law that I haven't had a chance to experience and I think going to a larger city would allow more opportunities for growth. 

When making the decision of where to attend law school, I also took into consideration what doctoral programs would be available to Ben in the area. I researched what programs were offered and came to the conclusion that the Twin Cities would possibly be a good fit for him as well. He already has plans to do some certificate program through University of St. Thomas over the next few summers. Obviously, when it comes time for him to start looking into doctoral programs I will support his decision to go wherever. While it would be nice to not have to move, a new adventure is always exciting. Our initial thought, though, is that we will be in the Twin Cities for approximately five years. Maybe more. Maybe less. Meh.

Anyway. . . It feels wonderful to have a plan. 

Anxiety Revelation

Since submitting my law school apps, I have felt nothing but anxiety. As mentioned in my previous post, it's been a bit of an emotional roller coaster!  

A couple nights ago while reading before bed, it occurred to me why I am having soooo much anxiety regarding law school. There is of course the normal stress that change can bring, but I also will be leaving a job that I love, with people that I love working with. By leaving the job, I am removing my ability to successfully support myself. BOOM! There it is. The thought of not being able to support myself is terrifying. I am absolutely blessed with a loving, hardworking, husband who is more than willing to work to support both of us for the next few years. That isn't the issue - that is wonderful. I think I have some deep-rooted need to know that no matter what happens, I can take care of myself without needing anyone's help. If I'm being honest, without needing a man's help. I have trust issues when it comes to males. I'm sure anyone with a psychology background can psychoanalyze the crap out of that paragraph. 

It helps me to know that after law school, Ben and I will reverse roles. He will dive full-time into a Ph.D. program of his choosing and I will bring home the bacon. It is also incredibly helpful that I feel solid in our marriage and that we are both on the same page in terms of our commitment to one another and our wanting the other to succeed. I basically need to enlist the help of a therapist to straighten out the crazy that goes on in my head. Understanding that this is what is causing me significant amounts of stress and anxiety actually helps to relieve it a bit. Thank goodness.

Of note: I have been accepted to a law school!! I have only heard from one of 8 that I applied to. Hopefully I see some more admissions roll in!

Emotional Roller Coaster

Now that I have submitted most of my applications to law school, I have been on quite the roller coaster ride of emotions. As typical with my generation, I enjoy instant gratification, so having to wait 3+ weeks for a decision is driving me mad.

Day 1: Submit application. Feel proud of self and excited! 

Day 2: Check status of application a gillion times per hour. Feel confident. 

Day 3: No one is going to say yes. . . I'm not going to get in. This is going to be awful. 

Day 4: It doesn't matter all that much. I plan to take a year off anyway. I'm fine.

Day 5: PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE.

Day 6 & 7: What if I get in? What if we have to move? Change is too scary. I'm going to go vomit now.

Week one down. At least two to go. 

Yay.

One Step at a Time

It takes a lot for me at times to not allow my fear of failure to cripple me. The fact that I also struggle with feeling unintelligent and less than others is a struggle as well.

In spite of these fears, I want to go to law school. I have been blessed to have many wonderful people in my life who are incredibly supportive of this decision. They offer encouragement and support on a regular basis and listen to me rant and rave about how I'm going to apply to University of Hawaii. :) (as unrealistic a dream as it may be. . . )

Then there are the people who are not encouraging, but are destructive. I think that some people underestimate me and put me into a box and expect me to stay there.  I'm fairly girly - not stupid. It does not make me an idiot or less capable than anyone else.

Unfortunately, it is the haters whose opinions stick the most. My goal: to prove them wrong.

Smarts 2.0

You know what is completely refreshing and thrilling?  KNOWING WHAT YOU WANT TO DO WHEN YOU GROW UP!  It only took me 26 years to figure out, but I got it!  As mentioned here, I have officially applied to the University of Iowa to complete my bachelor's, and then, inshallah, be on my way to law school!  Thankfully, Iowa has an online program for those of us who have 60+ credits (I currently have 91) where you can complete a BLS and focus on whatever courses will benefit you most.  I emailed Iowa's School of Law to confirm that that degree would be accepted (I don't want to pay for something that will get me nowhere) and yay, it would! I will hopefully be starting classes in May. Fingers crossed it will take two years or less to complete the BLS.  

Ben is almost finished with his masters and starting to think more seriously about how to go about getting his Ph.D.  He is exploring his options a bit and trying to figure out the best path for him.  This is a new area for both of us, so any advice is happily accepted.  Before we start towards our higher degrees we plan to meet with a financial adviser and figure out things in that department or at least get an idea of what to expect.  Our biggest worries aren't necessarily about getting into the higher ed. programs, but about surviving financially during and after earning our degrees.  Kind of a scary thing.

I'm so excited for our future!  Ben knows what he wants to do and is figuring out how to accomplish it, I have finally figured out my calling, and we are slowly, but surely, working towards our goals.  I find it laughable that a year ago I thought I might want to be a librarian.  Or a teacher.  What the heck was I thinking? HA.  SO not for me.  I enjoy working in the legal field and I want to learn more.  Ben enjoys having in depth conversations with other educators about different teaching styles and what works best in the classroom and wants to eventually be a professor.

  Basically, we both like using our brains to the max.  

We're excited.  We have the motivation.  We have the support.

Smarts

GO HAWKS!

After much thought and consideration, I have applied to University of Iowa to complete my bachelor's degree!!!

Ultimate goal - law school!

Also, once I earn my bachelor's I will have accomplished a life-long goal to be a true Hawkeye Alumni!

Mini Performances

I apologize for the poor video quality, but I wanted to post these two videos so you can get a glimpse of what Ben has been working on.  I will let Ben explain the rest!

March 7th signaled the end of my xylophone unit with my 3rd grade classes for the year. This year I chose to teach the xylophones using a variety of videos that I made on my computer. My aim was to teach kids specific vocabulary and content while giving them an opportunity to explore the instrument for themselves instead of mimicking my own moves to learn the songs. This was actually pretty successful as every kid by the end of the unit was able to play through each of the three parts shown in the videos individually. I chose them for their parts in the performance randomly. The video in the link was the only one I posted and it was extremely effective for teaching the melody. The other two parts I taught using print outs that the kids explored on their own in a given time period and then put together.

Things for me to remember the next time I teach this unit: 1) The bass part was an eighth note rhythm that alternated between the lower octave and the higher octave for each note played. Essentially the kids were playing C-C, D-D, E-E, G-G, but alternating between the low and the high. The bass instruments are big and so next time I will have the alto instruments play this part to make it more manageable for the kids. The altos had a straight quarter note rhythm playing four two note combinations repeated. This would have been excellent on the basses as the steady beat would have been more prominent and the speeding up may have been avoided. 2) The kids will always speed up. This is an unfortunate inevitability no matter how hard you work at it. It makes the eighth note rhythm that much more difficult too. 3) I will teach the basic eighth note rhythm (two hands playing octaves at the same time) instead of the alternating rhythm first. This will give me a chance to differentiate to the higher level for kids who can do it rather than trying have kids who have trouble managing the harder rhythm go to the easier (which they refused--good for them?)

I am very proud of my students in the 3rd grade. They consistently work hard during music lessons and have made extreme advances in many different areas this year. I plan to get them all more performance opportunities throughout the rest of the year because they really deserve to show off their work. -Ben 

Paralegal? Ok.

I have been struggling with the question, "What do I want to be when I grow up?", since I was about five-years-old.  At that time, the answer was easy.  I wanted to be one of the people at SeaWorld that got to swim and play with the dolphins and whales everyday.  That or a checker at Jacks because I was a classy lady.  Since then, I have wanted to be many, many different things, never quite settling on one.  This is still something I struggle with and for the time being, I think I figured it out.

I want to be a paralegal.  

Good news for me: I know how to do that.  

It may be just an AA, but I worked my butt off for it!

I think I have failed to realize this until recently because I haven't wanted to admit that what I am professionally is enough.  I am always looking for more, wanting to be better, do something better and focus on that instead of focusing on how I can improve as a paralegal.  I feel less than others, somehow.  A lot of that feeling is wrapped into the fact that I only have a two-year degree compared to others with at least a bachelor's and I am embarrassed of that.  I know that comparison is the robber or joy, but no one is perfect and we all do it.  Depending on who is asking (i.e. random stranger), I will often lie about where I went to college.  While it is likely unfounded, I feel judged when I say I attended Kirkwood.  I prefer to say I went to the University of Iowa.  It's not completely a lie . . I did go to Iowa for one semester.  BUT then I dropped out after my first fall semester and ended up at Kirkwood the next fall.  There were serious outside factors that affected my success in college and I still allow those memories to make me feel less than I am.  I am scared to go back to school, but plan to finish my bachelor's within the next two years.  Likely in something like Liberal Arts considering I already have almost 100 credits. 

The realization of wanting to continue as a paralegal occurred after a few months of working in an elementary school and realizing that I do not want to be a teacher.  At least at this point in my life.  I have no desire to do the paperwork, deal with other people's kids on a daily basis or deal with the politics.  I prefer office politics.  Can you believe it?  I enjoy having to wear professional business clothes to work and dealing with stressed attorneys.  I enjoy knowing how the court system works and learning the different pleadings and processes required in cases.  I enjoy hearing and discussing the law, reading interesting cases, etc.  I enjoyed working in family law and dealing with the clients.  I enjoy the independence that can come along with being a trained paralegal and using my knowledge to prepare the attorney for meetings, hearings and trials.  Do I want to be an attorney?  Not at this time.  Later?  Who knows.  

While I cannot continue as a paralegal in Dubai, I look forward to our return to the States to further my career.  I have looked into different states and what they have to offer, and it seems that Minnesota has some pretty awesome opportunities in my field.  They offer CLE's (Continuing Legal Education) and their paralegal association appears to be very active.  They have quite a few law firms, big and small, that have potential to offer job advancement.  If we end up in MN, great.  If not, I am ok with that, too. Other states appeared to have quite a bit to offer, as well.  I am excited to see what my future as a paralegal has in store for me.