Oy vey!

Our lives have been a ridiculous roller coaster of stress the last six months. Working on getting the house sold, finding an apartment, finding Ben a job, and financial planning is enough to drive a person mad. I think that the month between the end of work and beginning of law school will be a much needed break to relax and rein in my anxiety. 

Throughout this process we have hit bump after bump. The theme to the past 6 months has been "whatever can go wrong, will." Everyone keeps telling me that it will all work out in the end. Well, yeah, but they aren't the ones who have to sacrifice their bank accounts in the meantime. Oy vey.

Despite how it may sound, Ben and I have both remained positive and are taking everything in stride. There have been a couple glimmers of relief in the past week or so, and if those would just pan out we would be able to breathe easy for a while. Fingers crossed!

As I reflect on the past few months and what is in the very near future, I am reminded how blessed I am to be married to a man as wonderful as Ben. He has been nothing but supportive of my decision to go to law school. He has agreed to quit his job, move to another state, and support us financially as I pursue my degree. He does not do this begrudgingly or expect "repayment". His love and support still amazes me. 

Of course, I have offered a form of "repayment". If/when Ben decides to pursue his Ph.D., I will offer him the same deal he is offering me. He just has to wait a few years. In anticipation of his future endeavors, he is using this time to discover ways in which he can gain experience a knowledge that will benefit him in the long run. 

We have less than a month until we can move into our apartment in St. Paul. We have a lot to do between now and then. We are looking forward to this next chapter!

January 21, 2017 - Women's March on Washington

My name is Ashley Judd and I am a feminist. And I want to say hello to Independence Avenue in the back, all the way down to 17th Street, and I bring you words from Nina Donovan, a 19-year-old in Middle, Tennessee. She has given me the privilege of telling you what she has to say:

"I am a nasty woman. 

I'm as nasty as a man who looks like he bathes in Cheeto dust. A man whose words are a distract to America. Electoral college-sanctioned, hate-speech contaminating this national anthem. I'm not as nasty as Confederate flags being tattooed across my city. Maybe the South actually is going to rise again. Maybe for some it never really fell. Blacks are still in shackles and graves, just for being black. Slavery has been reinterpreted as the prison system in front of people who see melanin as animal skin. I am not as nasty as a swastika painted on a pride flag, and I didn't know devils could be resurrected but I feel Hitler in these streets. A mustache traded for a toupee. Nazis renamed the Cabinet Electoral Conversion Therapy, the new gas chambers shaming the gay out of America, turning rainbows into suicide. I am not as nasty as racism, fraud, conflict of interest, homophobia, sexual assault, transphobia, white supremacy, misogyny, ignorance, white privilege ... your daughter being your favorite sex symbol, like your wet dreams infused with your own genes. Yeah, I'm a nasty woman — a loud, vulgar, proud woman.

I am not nasty like the combo of Trump and Pence being served up to me in my voting booths. I'm nasty like the battles my grandmothers fought to get me into that voting booth. I'm nasty like the fight for wage equality. Scarlett Johansson, why were the female actors paid less than half of what the male actors earned last year. See, even when we do go into higher paying jobs our wages are still cut with blades sharpened by testosterone. Why is the work of a black woman and a Hispanic woman worth only 63 and 54 cents of a white man's privileged daughter? This is not a feminist myth. This is inequality. So we are not here to be debunked. We are here to be respected. We are here to be nasty.

I am nasty like my bloodstains on my bed sheets. We don't actually choose if and when to have our periods. Believe me if we could some of us would. We do not like throwing away our favorite pairs of underpants. Tell me, why are pads and tampons still taxed when Viagra and Rogaine are not? Is your erection really more than protecting the sacred messy part of my womanhood? Is the bloodstain on my jeans more embarrassing than the thinning of your hair?

I know it is hard to look at your own entitlement and privilege. You may be afraid of the truth. I am unafraid to be honest. It may sound petty bringing up a few extra cents. It adds up to the pile of change I have yet to see in my country. I can't see. My eyes are too busy praying to my feet hoping you don't mistake eye contact for wanting physical contact. Half my life I have been zipping up my smile hoping you don't think I want to unzip your jeans. I am unafraid to be nasty because I am nasty like Susan, Elizabeth, Eleanor, Amelia, Rosa, Gloria, Condoleezza, Sonia, Malala, Michelle, Hillary!

And our pussies ain’t for grabbing. There for reminding you that our walls are stronger than America's ever will be. Our pussies are for our pleasure. They are for birthing new generations of filthy, vulgar, nasty, proud, Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, Sikh, you name it, for new generations of nasty women. So if you a nasty woman, or you love one who is, let me hear you say, hell yeah."

2016 Presidential Election / 2017 Inauguration

I exercised my right to vote in the 2016 Presidential Election, therefore I have earned the right to be upset with its outcome.

I just watched a live-stream of the inauguration of Donald Trump. I am still in disbelief that this was the outcome of the election and continue to be filled with fear and sorrow. What I try to remind myself is that this man did NOT win the popular vote. HRC had the popular lead by nearly 2.9 million American votes. #imwithher

As much as I have tried, I cannot seam to muster any positivity towards this new presidency. I cried on November 9th, 2016 when I learned the outcome of the election. I cried today, January 20, 2017, as I watched the live-stream of the inauguration. 

As a woman, I feel threatened. There are individuals who believe that women are not equal to men (among an additional array of issues facing women). Meryl Streep put it perfectly in her speech at the Golden Globes:

"...when it's modeled by someone in the public platform, by someone powerful, it filters down into everybody's life, because it kind of gives permission for other people to do the same thing. Disrespect invites disrespect." 

She was referring to Trump mocking a disabled journalist, but it holds true to any form of disrespect, xenophobia, homophobia, you name it. I will be entering a male-dominated profession within the next four years. The thought of men (or anyone) mirroring Trump's behaviors is TERRIFYING. I know there are many men who would not mirror his behaviors. This is not a man-bashing/man-hating thing. It is just how I feel at this moment.

I wish I could be at the Women's March on Washington tomorrow. 

[This post is not my greatest, but I felt I should memorialize my feelings on this day. I do not wish for Trump to fail - I wish for him to prove me wrong in my fears.]

Mini-Rant re: Law School

I strive to be an optimistic and positive individual. Despite hearing horrible things about law school, I have tried to maintain that mindset throughout my application and selection process.

Keeping that in mind. . .

I am so sick of the negativity that arises when people ask me about law school. I'm to the point I just don't want to hear it. In response to my comment that I was excited for law school, I had one individual state, "You shouldn't be."  WHAT?! I am taking the initiative to further my career and to expand my knowledge base. I know law school will be hard, but come on, man. I can be excited for the opportunity of self-improvement.

I'm not stupid. I know law school is going to be a lot of work. I'm not under any illusion that this will be a break from life and a nice three year vacation. I will have to work harder than I am now, say no to social events, say no to family events, etc. I will have internships/externships during summers and breaks and won't get to sit around binge watching Netflix the entire time. I. Get. It.

So, if you don't have anything supportive to say, shove off.

**NOTE: If you are reading this, I am very likely NOT referring to you.

Summer winding down-ish.

Our 2nd Beach Boys concert! Much closer to the stage this time and just as entertaining!

Ben and I are finally reaching a point where our summer is winding town and hopefully turning into glorious fall days spent with our babies, family, and friends. I think we have had a whopping 5 weekends (MAYBE) of being home over the weekend since the end of May-ish. We have enjoyed our many activities and adventures, but I think we are both ready for some down time.

This coming weekend we will be heading to Spring Green, Wisconsin to go to the American Players Theater to see Death of a Salesman written by Arthur Miller. If you have never gone to APT, you must add it to your bucket list. Now.

In the weekends that follow we will be heading to MN for Tescia's bachelorette party, attending Brucemorchestra here at home, and attending various concerts which include the Dixie Chicks (Johnna and me), The Piano Guys, and Grace Potter. So maybe we aren't slowing down. . . but at least most of these activities are in Cedar Rapids. :)